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Postpartum Revelations: Goodbye Instagram , hello ancestral ways of living



Hi dear friends,

First of all, baby and me are doing fine. Thank you for all your messages and interest. Before birth I decided to go off Instagram and stayed off for about 5 months. The last few weeks I tried being on the platform again and share about birth and postpartum, but it felt inauthentic, and simply dumb, to share it on the same platform that I am no longer supporting.


You may have seen me take #socialmediabreaks and share about the importance of them and my love/hate relationship to social media, but I always thought the pros of using in particularly Instagram outweighed the cons. Since becoming a mom, however, that changed and I have now said goodbye, this time with the intent of for good. I do want to share to (probably few of you) who've missed me on there, why. It's not because I don't care about the online community that I've been consciously working on for the last few years. I have met many wonderful people through Instagram, of which some in particular have been of massive support through challenging chapters. You who I shared so much common ground with and hopped onto Zoom calls with to share and learn from eachother. I care about you. Which is exactly why I need to make this decision.


Now, you may think: who cares? One person more or less on there. Nobody even notices. And this is exactly why it feels hard. You see, the platform feeds into thinking like: 'If it's not shared, it's not of importance, no one will notice, no one will care'. For the longest time I felt like I had to be on there in order to create a community and business, to make an impact in the world. But now I see, that was thinking in lack. It's not what's true for me anymore.


Becoming a mother and reading the book 'the Continuum Concept' by Jean Liedloff shook my world and had me reflecting on the foundations of my life, of my son Malcom's and of modern society. I never felt as lonely as I did during the first months postpartum, even though I have had many more people within my physical radius than I have had for years.


We live around other families and elderly people in a small village of what could be a tight community where we assist eachother. Where we go over and bring food to those new in town. Where we offer new moms to do the dishes or watch her older kids.

Where we bring herbal remedies to the ill ones.

Where we share chores, laughter and sorrow.


Instead, when we do pass eachother on the stress, the most we do is wave. We hide away in our perfectly curated homes, with perfecty curates lawns, as if we somehow try to hide what we tryly are, more worried about our image, than our actual wellbeing.


What we are doing behind the perfect image makes me deeply sad. Ever-larger-getting tv's with ever-brighter, sleep-disrupting, and in my humble opinion life-energy-stealing lights. Kids behind iPads. Adults behind iPhones.


I used to see social media as the problem. Now I see it as a symptom. A symptom of a deprived society.

A society where we "train" our kids as young as 0 days to sleep on their own and through the night. To "settle" their emotions. To be independant. Where pacifiers have replaced the warm aliveness of a mother's body. Where strollers and cribs are where our offspring explores the world from.


So far removed from how our specied have lived for 99.99% of history. So far away from the conditions where our bodies and soul thrive. So far away from our natural state of well-being.


I invite you to stop for a moment and reflect on the following:

How do you think your ancestors, let's say only 6 generations back, would look at the way we are living now?

Once they would have looked past the conveniences of laundrymachines, dishwashers and central heating, what do you think they'd feel when they saw our big cities with dirty streets and estranged inhabitants?

How would they react when they saw our teenagers spending an average of 8 hours on screens (this excludes time on screens for learning!)*?

When they would learn that our youth is suffering mentally, that about 1 in 3 teens meet the criteria for anxiety disorder by the age of 18?*and almost 50% of adolescents has already suffered a mental disorder in their lives (this is not even taking into consideration all the other mental suffering that goes unnoticed, undiagnosed)?*

When they would observe that people seem to care more about their looks that mother nature?


I can't help but think they are turning in their graves.


As a new mom, sitting in my beautiful new home in a beautiful town in Sweden, spending a significant time alone, alone with my infant that is, which somehow feels more alone than being alone-alone, these are the things I reflect upon. 'You should see a therapist' you say, I know, and I did. She confirmed I don't have postnatal depression. What I "have" is a very common result of a dysfunctional society. It's a deep feeling that something isn't right. That things are not supposed to be this way. That life as a mom in not supposed to be this hard. That we got it all wrong. And the severity of it all didn't fully sink in until I had the responsability of raising a little human in this society. The question is not: 'How do we raise him to become a great person?' but rather 'How do we possibly not fuck him up with all the challenges in this world?' as right now he is in a perfect state of presence, love and curiosity, spreading pure joy wherever he goes.


I am going offline. To stop wasting time watching stories of people who I'll most likely never meet in-person (and even if I do, I'd much rather hear their actual stories rather than the reduced images of them). To stop wasting the little time and energy I have on all the things happening in places on the other side of the world, causing overwhelm and mental illness because our brains were never made for this much information.

I am going offline to nurture myself, my son, my family and my direct community.


The community that can hold my baby when I need to take a shower.

The one that I can look into the eyes when I share my birth story.

The one that I can hug, because my baby is teaching me just how much touch and physical closeness is a primal need that can never be replaced by a new tool of the material world.


I have been daydreaming of a hunter-gathered way of living where all I need to think and worry about are my children, family and direct community. Where my children grow up with a fast knowledge of the natural, rather than the digital world.


This is a romanticised fantasy that can never be realised in a world and body that has already been affected too much. I cannot un-know the things I know. Un-see the things I've seen. But what I can do is redirect my new surplus of energy from putting my phone away, onto creating a way of living that comes as close to this ancestral way as possible so that my son can grow up never forgetting about his wild human nature. Because as it is, he does not need reminding of his insticts and what he is made for: love, closeness, touch, community and a life in, and as a part of nature.


*https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2785686

*https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness


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